What He Says & What She Thinks

We should go out,

But it's raining.

Do you want a rain check?


I'd like to hang out,

However, I have doubts. 

Am I supposed to reassure you?


I wanna get to know you,

There's just not enough time. 

Do you want a time machine?


I look at only you, 

Until I see her walk away.

So what if you were blind?


Raining doubts as time runs out... 



Comments

  1. Yael SpodekMarch 9, 2022 at 4:18 PM

    I really liked this poem. It felt like an empty cold sadness and the imagery of rain really pushed that feeling forward for me. I just wish it was longer!! I also think you could make every three lines a new stanza. This would leave a question in every last line which I think would work well with this poem. I also love that the questions are italicized, it gave the impression that these were internal thoughts rather than questions actually asked.

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  2. Rina ShamilovMarch 13, 2022 at 5:44 PM

    the ending is so gorgeous, it reminds me of being stuck in place and watching yourself from the side. i also love how one-sided this conversation is. you know what you're feeling but can only guess the same of your partner. you jump between two perspectives that are your own, though one is what you believe the other person to be saying.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Professor MillerMarch 26, 2022 at 6:55 PM

    Could this be longer. I like the conversational quality of the opening stanza, and it feels like this poem could stretch out and evolve to me.

    ReplyDelete

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